Well, it certainly feels like an eternity since I have had an inspired moment to pour some thoughts onto the page.
I sit here at my kitchen table, Matt and Violet tucked away in bed still sleeping.
A hot coffee sits to my right, a few mouthfuls of deliciousness already having made its way into my being. Ahhhh coffee.
Consistent rain pitter-patters on the roof top. Weather like this reminds me of the first week we brought Violet home from hospital. It rained non-stop, and I was so grateful for the cleansing feeling it brought with it. Feels the same today.
Its not every morning I get generous time like this to myself, and so I intend to fully savour the moments here... as I remind myself now to unclench my jaw, relax my shoulders, let the belly be soft - and allow my nervous system to cool off a little. I am not on call right now, I am able to simply be.
A smile draws across my face as I write that last sentence.
Is there no sweeter feeling than that of solo time?
.... YES - becoming a parent and then getting solo time... it just.hits.different.
I may be sat here at my kitchen table, but sitting here alone feels like I am this gal:
There are a very many things that I have learned within this power packed 6 months of being a Mother. Today, I wanted to share my favourite 5 learns with you.
Are you a parent of a little one?
Weaving your way through the sleepless nights, the intense bootcamp of learning, and understanding what showing up for you now looks like?
Welcome.
I am all of those things too, right now.
And I think it's important to talk about them, the good and the challenging days.
In talking about them - we are able to release steam from the pressure cooker we sometimes feel ourselves in, and find the pathways to drop into the immense appreciation and bottomless love that is available being a parent to a little human being/s.
5 things I have learned in 6 months of Motherhood
Appreciation of small things
Oh my, how I used to fly by the smaller details before becoming a parent. Maybe I did see them, but a new level of acknowledgement and appreciation has, for sure, been unlocked. Warm shower, the sun on my skin, hot coffee, food that is served on a plate (and not eaten on the fly), 10 minutes on my own to watch Netflix, the sunrise, that piece of chocolate. Every sweet self experienced moment is amplified to feel so luxurious. It is a beautifully passionate, 'tapped in' way to live.
Listening carefully to the body
This is how I have found to take care of myself, when it feels like there is way less time to take care of myself. Listening to the body is an ancient practice. It involves checking in with your body (daily, or whenever you remember!) to learn any messages that may be manifesting in physical form. Where on the body is there pain, tension, or a blockage of some kind? Allowing the bodies wisdom to show you what may be happening in the headspace, the nervous system, or whatever we are trying to digest from the external environment, I have found to be a really beautiful way to take care of myself.
Sore back? I need support.
Slow/painful digestion? I need some yoga twists or meditation to de-stress.
Overwhelmed head? I need nature.
Tight shoulders? I need a massage....... (helloooo Matt, where are you?)
Simple. Effective. Essential.
Understanding my Femininity
Wow, has this been a truly beautiful thing. Becoming a Mother has showed me how much I favoured my masculinity pre Violet. I literally feel my masculinity tumble around within me daily, trying to force and forge the way forward. But that way of being, is no longer suitable. Actually, Spirit makes it very difficult for me to live life like that anymore. It feels like the first time in my life that I have met my true feminine.
There have been moments of shock and grief as I realise the lack of relationship I have had in the past with this very sacred part of me. However, she reminds me in this moment- that we are together now, and that is the most important thing.
To live in balance with our feminine, is one of the most beautiful feelings. A truly gentle, yet powerfully moving, kind, intentional. slow + heart warming way to live. She is my compass, and I surrender to her - allowing her to show me the way. And something in me feels really right about this, like it goes beyond my own experiences - in that, by surrendering to living life softly, I am making the world a better, more true place by showing up in this way.
Finding new ways to connect intimately with my partner
Somedays, I miss Matt so much. I miss having him all to myself, allowing our energy to intertwine freely with one another, like we did in the past. I think this feeling is very normal to experience as you become parents and your soul tribe goes from 2, to 3 (or more!). There is a period of adjustment, and I am quite proud of how we are naturally navigating this together (no time to create plans!!).
Our relationship has stepped into a new way of being, and more so than ever before, and after almost 9 years together - I am reminded of the deep love I hold in my heart for this man. Raising a little human with him, learning along side him, watching him become a Father... it has been perhaps one of the greatest feelings to have entered my emotive self.
Intimacy, of course changes. Sexual intimacy, that is. The order of things that once was, is not longer - and other things take priority over a luxurious 3 hour Sunday afternoon in the bedroom!
Again, it's been interesting, thrilling and (at times) humorous to witness how we have navigated this change. And whilst I know that generous space for that kind of spicy play will come around to greet us again in time, I am so enjoying the bursts of intimacy we find during our day. Holding his hand, slow dancing in the kitchen, our bodies connecting in an embrace. In these moments, it feels like I drink him in fully - like I have never done in the past.
And when the pockets of time are available to connect for a longer time intimately, it feels more intentional, more connected, than ever before. Looking at things from this perspective, it is without a doubt a very beautiful time in our relationship, but i'll also add - easily overlooked or missed entirely unless we were both on the same page.
Help is required
Have you have heard the saying 'it takes a village to raise a child'?
It never resonated much with me before I became a Mother, and to be honest - it still doesn't resonate much now. Yes, it is important that a child has a tasting board of personalities to sample, I do believe this creates a well rounded human being. But you know what else I know? Not many people strive to know, heal and understand themselves, and I have witnessed many adults cause harm or even trauma to a child because they are not conscious, aware human beings - simply by the words that exit their mouths.
This makes me extremely mindful of who I allow to care for my child if I need a moment to myself.
So upon reflection of above statement - No, I don't think it takes a village to raise a child. I think it takes parents, parent or guardians that are cared for - so they can take care of the business of taking care of their little one.
The parenting advice and guidance can come from conversations with other parents, books, fellow carers or health professionals ... what I have learnt is, I need help holding me.
When I am doing a solid and well rounded job of holding my baby... I need someone to hold me.
The Mother needs to be held, often.
And that person isn't my partner. They are on their own journey of parenthood and it is too great of a burden to expect that level of support from them solely.
I have mentioned before, I have a wonderfully like-minded holistic councillor that I see bi-weekly. But beyond that, it has made me realise that for this very sacred transition into motherhood, I can only share space with those that truly honour or understand this divine transition.
And that is not a judgmental remark for those leaving my life right now - it's simply an act of survival.
If we don't have these people in our lives that hold us - we sink.
Being held, even if it is something as simple as an affirmative conversation with empathy and understanding - it's vital for the quality of our being.
To Mothers with tiny humans,
I hope, that by sharing part of my heart here on this page, you feel held - knowing that, sometimes the path only feels wide enough for one, but you are not alone. There are Mother's across the globe walking their lone path, beside you.
What a privilege it is to raise a human being.
May we welcome grace, understanding and as much peace as possible as we learn to dance upon the line of living for them, and our own sacred Self.