Mother Self

Someone said to me recently – “oh my gosh you make being a Mother look so easy, and effortless”.

I think my reaction was a long exhalation and staring in bewilderment. This person was not someone that sees my day-to-day, but just what I post on Instagram.

We all know that social media is a destination for us to dump the highlights in our life, or for some a business tool.

Regardless of why you post what you do, it’s a controlled environment that we have the ability to only show a lot of the good that happens in our life. A lot of the positive moments.

Heart warming, soul bursting, love bomb explosion moments are absolutely abundant in Motherhood.

But of course parenthood is not just these moments – it’s every single other moment and emotion that you could ever think of taking up occupancy in your being every moment of the day.

It is the most extraordinary journey.

It is the most alive I’ve ever felt.

But I’ll tell you – it certainly doesn’t go without effort.

It is the most exhausted I have ever felt.

Nothing about becoming a parent has been effortless.

It’s pushed me so far outside of my comfort zone to meet edges of myself that I never even knew existed.

As I’ve shared before: some days I thoroughly enjoy the challenge of what this role requires. And other days I find myself trying to find my breath – like it’s ran completely out of my body.

I ran into a friend at the supermarket the other day and I ask her how she was – she said she had her snorkel on. I asked her what does this mean? She said her head was under the water but she put her snorkel on and that’s how she was breathing – she said that’s what it’s like some days in motherhood, balancing the load of responsibility of taking care of a child, and taking care of our own self. Some times, the load is too heavy to stay above water — so she gets her snorkel out. I mean… resilience and adaptability doesn’t even begin to describe the remarkable powers a Mother holds.

In these past six months I’ve divided being a Mother to Violet in one lane, and my personal experience of becoming a Mother in another lane. I found at the dividing of the two has been really helpful for my headspace, my healing, navigating this immense change, and honouring this journey for both her and my own self, the best way I possibly can.

No words that I could ever write will be great enough to describe the experience of what it’s like becoming a Mother. Only those that have walked before me know.

I am so very grateful to be a Mother, and for life to have come alive the way it has since Violet entering the world.

Is it effortless? Absolutely not.

But it has most certainly unlocked a new way of being. A raw, deep, authentic way of being. I feel the wisdom…the ancient magic of the first Mother, run through my veins.

I feel powerfully charged.

I am, Mother.